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Excerpts: My Best 320 One-Liners
Hello, Dell? This is my first computer. Is it okay if I remove it from the box to see if it works, or will that void the warranty?
I've heard that computers are full of viruses, bugs and worms. I bet they live in the power supply where it's nice and warm.
With the exception of the patients who died, this medication has very few side effects.
Will I spread a computer virus if I accidentally sneeze on my keyboard?
Let me assure you that you will receive the finest care here, as all of our doctors have had their licenses restored to the best of my knowledge.
I'd rather have the facts than a mere legal opinion.
I'm very interested in purchasing your new computer operating system. Can you assure me that it arrives in sterile condition, and for in-home liposuction do you pay shipping for returned fat?
Psychiatrists are given photo ID's, so that the rest of the staff can separate them from the patients.
Instead of trying to find so many really tall basketball players, wouldn't it be better to just lower the net?
Wouldn't hockey be much easier to play if they just got rid of the ice and the players could use their hands instead of sticks?
If singing sounds so great in the shower, why not soak your stereo in the bathtub?
If we're too young for sex, does that mean she can't get pregnant?